May 24, 2012

5/24/2012

Posted in Letter at 10:29 pm by mikaiya

My sweet baby,

I haven’t written you in a while. I think I have spent the last few weeks very focused on me. How I look. How I feel. How wonderful it is to have energy again. But this past Monday your Daddy and I saw you on that ultrasound, and found out you’re going to be our son, and it was like a lightning bolt. Bam! I know they say that women become Moms when they get pregnant. But it is all so surreal at first. I mean, you know you’re pregnant. You see the signs. Your doctor tells you everything is going just great. But it’s hard to really believe, at a deep level, that your life is about to shift so entirely into a new direction. I did believe in you, but my focus hadn’t shifted TO you, yet. And now… in just a moment of watching you on that screen… well, you’re it. You’re the person who is making us a family of our own. Our little boy, swimming around in my tummy and giving me the occasional jolt when you kick me out of the blue. I’ve always prided myself on being many things at once. A woman, a writer, a wife, a Jew, an American, a New Englander. A lover and a daughter and a sister. A smartiepants and a logician, and a fine cook. A crafter- a knitter, a sewer, a stitcher. Someone who can MAKE things. And here I am, after all those roles, making you. And suddenly the family roles seem so much more important. I’m a wife and mother first- and all else well after. I remember hearing that at the beginning of pregnancy, nurses ask how the mom feels. How she’s doing. As time passes, they have to start asking how the baby is doing… because that’s what the pregnant woman cares about. And even knowing that going into it, I was a little perplexed. Really? The baby isn’t even here. How can I know how YOU are doing? But now I get it. You’re not just some baby. You are mine. And there’s nothing more frightening and exciting and amazing than that. It’s a lot of responsibility- but I can’t imagine anyone better for you than your Daddy and me. After all, we’re your people. We made you out of nothing but love and wishes and here you are.

I think we know your name already, but we’d like to meet you before we make that all official. So for now, I’ll still think of you as my little baby boy. Already over 14 ounces, you’re growing bigger literally by the day. We’ll meet you in only 20 weeks or so- and we still have a lot to do before you get here! But we’ve lined up a bassinet, so you’ll have somewhere to sleep when you come home with us from the hospital. I am knitting you a little wardrobe, because Daddy may say I have your WHOLE LIFE to knit for you, but I’d like to get a bit of a head start. And your Grandma helped me organize a lot of my stuff so I can get it out of the way, and make room in this house for you. I think we’re all right on target. You just keep on growing- my body is a good enough habitat for now, and by the time you’re ready for bigger living quarters, they should be all settled for you!

Love,
Mama