January 22, 2010
The Other Vows
People asked after the wedding if we could post our vows- in large part, because nobody could hear us. Family friends commented that they knew I was nervous, because all my old comfort with public speaking went right out the window at our wedding. I stammered, I giggled, I couldn’t keep it quite together. But I’m ok with that- our wedding vows were really for us, anyways. George ended his vows with the most important thing he could ever say- that he is mine. He made me smile, and laugh, and that’s what I love best about him. Together, we entertain ourselves. We make each other grin. When I need to think about a happy place, to calm myself down in a bad situation, or when I need a focus in yoga or any other activity- the thing I always seem to come up with is how George looks when he smiles. I love how visibly his eyes crinkle up, how impossible it is for him to hide when he’s grinning. I spend a good part of my life trying to make him wrinkle up even more, and laugh a little harder.
I didn’t try and make him laugh too much in my vows though. I just wanted to say why I was marrying him. What I had to offer him. So this is what I said.
I Jennifer, stand here in front of all these witnesses to take you, George, as my husband, dearest companion, and lifelong partner in marriage.
Joined as husband and wife, I am certain that we will be better than either of us alone. Together we are ready to face the challenges that lie ahead of us, we are more able to share our joy and really experience every moment, and most of all I know we are ready to build a future together.
I always joke that you pursued me. And once we were actually dating, I knew within weeks of dating you that you were it. You were my person. When people ask me how I could be so certain, I never hesitate with my answer. I always wanted to marry a nice man, a good man, who would treat me with respect, and love me as much as I love him. You are the nicest man I’ve ever known. You are steadfast with your friends, you are truly devoted to your family, and you have treated me like your family from the beginning of our relationship. You support me, not unquestioningly, but by always asking the hard questions, and making me think about my world and my choices. We are not young kids, going blindly into our future. We’re fully-formed people in our own right, but we are always learning and growing with each other.
From this moment forward, we really are a family of our own. I promise to live by the vows I make today, and promise that I will love you and cherish you above all others. I will help you pursue your dreams, just as you help me pursue mine, and no matter what our circumstances. In hard times and easy times, rich or poor, healthy or sick, young and old. I pledge to hold these promises dear to my heart for the rest of my life.
January 20, 2010
Mini-moon!
People might find it odd, but I wanted to document each day of our honeymoon. Unlike the time before and during the wedding, we actually had time to breath and watch the world go by. Its been just over two months now since the event and our Mini-moon, but it still feels like yesterday. We called it our mini-moon because we have every intention of taking a more epic adventure when and time, money, and energy permit… hopefully in the next year or two. So for now, here it is, our Mini-Moon:
Day 1
The humidity sat on you as soon as you left the cool, crisp, terminal. Our first taxi adventure gave me flash backs to my trip to central America. These cabbies have a mission and no driver is going to break their rhythm. It was all good as we approached the Miami skyline and our hotel as well. The Epic, was, epic. From the moment we pulled in and Michael, the door man opened the cab door we were being taken care of. Our name? Called the front desk so they knew we had arrived. Did we want our bags to go straight upstairs? No problem. The front desk girl, Farrah, was very sweet and welcomed us to the hotel. She informed us that we would be in a Junior Suite (huge upgrade!) and that if we needed anything we had but to ask. Oh yeah.
Michael took us upstairs explaining how to use the elevator security system to get to our floor (no riff raff, please), and ushering us into the suite. Uh, wow. I think only the pictures can come close to doing it justice and not even those. He apologised for it not being larger, but it was pretty nice. And indeed it was as he explained the features (huge bathroom, TV that swung from sitting area to bedroom, balcony, bathroom, mini-bar, daily turn down service, buttons and lights for privacy or maid service… the list seemed to go on and on. On top of that, he was from Boston, so when he found out Jen was from New Hampshire he was extra nice and friendly. We often talked to him on our way in or out of the hotel each day and he’d offer advice on where to go to do whatever it was we were doing. Cool.
Now started our experiment period. We poked buttons and turned on faucets and stood on balconies and ran around like kids. We were both starving, but it was a little early for dinner so the obvious choice was a burger and fries to split from room service. Ding! Oh yeah was it yummy. We flipped through the channels and then took a walk to the magical 16th floor. On the 16th floor you could find the outdoor terrace complete with two infinity pools, and the Area 31 restaurant. The view was fantastic from here and could look down to the Miami river and follow it and the skyline all the way into the bay. Around us were the new and changing downtown skyline growing with new shiny buildings. We could only imagine what it cost to own a condo in one. We never got tired of this view and as you will see I took about 1 million photos from up here. On the other side of the hall was the full fitness room, yoga studio, and the pools for the tenants. Yup, there are condos in the building from the 3rd floor all the way to the 15th. The first and 16-30 are all hotel. Nice.
We returned to our room, and after a bit of messing about in the room, we changed and headed back to Area 31 for dinner. In the growing twilight, the skyline twinkling in the background, warm breeze settling around us, we toasted our new marriage and the start of our mini-moon. Cocktails were in order and I was impressed. A dirty vodka martini (or Dirty Bradford for you purists) is a crisp drink that often goes good or bad. This one was perfect… so much so I asked our waiter to complement the bartender. Jen had a drink called a Papa Doble which was also quite good. Now, you will quickly see that we went full on foodie for this trip. Our main goal was to relax and enjoy and that we did. So, starting off with oysters on the half for me and tiradito (a cerviche) of snapper, hearts of palm, coconut, lemongrass, and cherry tomatoes for Jen was a great move. Neither Jen nor I had ever had ceviche before even though we’ve certainly been aware of it. This was excellent. Such light, but rounded flavors of citrus. The taste of the fish came through nicely. Now, my oysters… were phenomenal. Marinated in golden balsamic, alligator pepper, and a dash of sea salt. My mouth is watering right now. Three were simply not enough and I greatly regret not going back for more of these during our stay.
The main course was mahi mahi with a salimorilio of olive oil, and lemon herb for Jen, and fettuccine with rock lobster with tomato, white wine, and opal basil for me. Again, amazing. Every bite was a job. For dessert we had chocolate pots de creme of caramel and blood orange. Astounding. The chocolate was of a density and texture that was firm, but melted in your mouth. The variety of flavors with each bite made you long for the next. Our hats off the the chef.
We spent as much time just being in the moment as we could before the warm breezes blew us back to the suite. Another full day awaited us.
The day started off lazily with blue skies and 80 degree temps. Shower and dress and we are off to Area 31 for breakfast. Its not every day that you get to munch bacon and eggs and have Sir Richard Branson stop by your table. Well, maybe not stop, he stood next to us chatting with a suit. He was just like you see in the pictures: blond mane, jeans and white button down. He mosied on with our best wishes and disappeared past the pool.
Ah, the pool! It was time. We headed upstairs, collected our stuff, suited up and headed down to the amazing infinity pools. Greeted immediately by the staff we had our choice of lounges which were draped with towels, water with orange slices were quickly delivered thereafter. Ahhh. A bit of a breezy day on the 16th floor but worth the dip and the sun kept things just warm enough. It was a perfect time spent reading and watching the world go by. The frozen fruit skewers we were offered were not a bad accoutrement either.
About 2ish we became peckish and decided to find some lunch. Between breakfast and the pool this morning we had ventured out into the nearby streets in search of a memory card for Jen’s camera. Walking through the mix of downtown office and slightly seedy we returned to a cafe. Or as Jen would point out, a creperie. The owner of Cafe Bastille saw us peering at the menu and ushered us in. And we were glad that he did. Absolutely yummy, fresh, crepes with fresh veggies, chicken, cheese, with a side of french bread. Just what the Dr. ordered.
From there it was time to wander the town a bit so we set off for Bayside. Crossing with the lights is highly recommended. Once across Biscayne Blvd it was an easy stroll amongst the palm trees along the bay. People sat in Adirondack chairs in a sandy park while others strolled, like us, towards the touristy mall and food overlooking the yachts. The Hard Rock required a quick stop of pins for Jen’s family, and then it was time for a little shopping for some good Miami threads. Especially since my sweetie needed a good bit of space in the suitcase for, uh, whatever it is that women need. All in all Bayside was just another tourist spot. A little dirty, a little creepy, but also interesting. Miami seems to be a constant juxtaposition of have and have not.
Our return walk had us stopping at the comfy Adirondack chairs and relaxing. Looking at the bay in the setting sun we could see dolphins and what we think was a manatee, all of which disappeared when the cigarette boat and jet ski went roaring by. Sigh. That signalled our time to continue our walk along the water and back towards the Epic. Women dressed for an outdoor yoga event walking their tiny dogs along the promenade. The Miami river flows into the bay and the Epic sits just up from where they meet. On our walk back we spotted several of the local, chi chi, restaurants that are in the ground floor of the hotels. We knew we needed to get dressed up so up we went and then back down. First stop was the 16th floor where we missed the free wine happy hour, by, uh, an hour. The 1st floor held more promise emptying us onto the street as cars zoomed into the circle for a fundraising event being held in the attached lounge. We sashayed down the street to the outside bar of Miami’s Chophouse. Ruby Red with grapefruit juice and a mango pisco sour started the evening right. Cool breeze and conversation held us steady while we waited for dinner.
Inside, quickly seated we were treated exceptionally. Although I nearly choked on the prices on the wine list, we picked a suitable St. Francis old vine zinfandel whose aroma tickled the senses as soon as it was released from the bottle into the glass. The savory smells wafted across the table. Wow. The food flowed in generous and succulent succession. Caesar salad with real anchovies on top, the best I think I have eaten. Then the main course of NY strip for me, petite fillet for her, baked potato and sauteed mushrooms. A NY a hand and half large was more than I could handle but I did it good service none the less. Everything was delectable including the simple ice cream sundae for dessert. The bottle of zin fought a losing battle as dinner rolled to its conclusion with a near $200 price tag.
Thankfully we were within stumbling distance to the Epic, which we did with aplomb, finishing our evening wrapped in each others arms for a restful night’s sleep.
Today was another lazy start… OK, so they have all been lazy starts and that is the way it is supposed to be on your honeymoon. We decided to go all in today so we started off with breakfast in bed. Brioche French toast (surprise) with fruit for me and eggs and chicken sausage for Jen. Not to mention all the extras that come along with it. Satiated, we got dressed and caught a cab to the Miami beach area starting with the shops along Lincoln road. Our cabbie felt we shouldn’t bother with the street everyone had told us was a place to see, and instead turn right and head towards the beach. So glad we did. White sand and blue waters greeted us as we strolled along.There was only one topless sighting on the only US beach allowing it. After a time, and with the help of Droid+Googlemaps, we veered out back towards the streets so we could stroll along Espanola Way. A pretty little street with shops and restaurants all done in classic Spanish architecture with a strong Cuban (say: Coo-Ban) flair. A margarita and pina colada seemed appropriate at 2 in the afternoon with our chicken quesadilla.
With a bit of a wobble we started off back into the streets moving between Washington Ave. and Ocean Drive, checking out the art deco architecture, the little shops, and the people. Again, the flavor of Miami is diversity in all ways and creates a unique feel. The Art Deco Welcome Center was closed until February, but it helped orient us. Catching a random side street we found a swim suit shop where Jen tried and bought her first bikinis. Where else but Miami? The sales girls were nice and we chatted with one who had just arrived two weeks before from Chicago. Now there is a switch. Some other quick window browsing and it was back to the beach. Public changing houses, although a tad grody, allowed Jen to change, and then it was along the beach we went in style, soaking in the warm rays of the mid afternoon sun. We walked all the way to South Pointe Park at the far end of South Beach before stopping to watch the warm light begin to fade over the ocean. Working our way inland past the ritzy condo towers of South Beach, we hailed a cab and started our ride back to the Epic. It was nice to ride in the taxi and take in the sights of South Beach while giving our feet a rest.
This time we made it back to the hotel before the free wine happy hour was over. Glasses in hand, with a white fish ceviche as a snack, we found comfortable seating on the pool terrace and watched the light change and sparkle off the buildings around us, rising like glimmering pinnacles from the dirty streets below. Total relaxation.
There was only one true way we could top the dinner from the night before, and that was to go to the best Italian restaurant in Miami: Il Gabbiano. Luckily for us it was less than a 10 minute walk along the river from the Epic. Dressed to the nines we made our way, passing the event, complete with Maserati’s on display at Sur y Mar. We made the goof of coming in the back way missing the hostess completely, but once inside, we were quickly seated on the terrace, overlooking the river, and being served like celebrities.
Wow. Yes, we had a handful of wait staff filling glasses, placing napkins in our laps and bringing us succulent goodies. Parmesan from a block the size of my head in 40 year aged balsamic vinegar; the most tasty bruchetta we’d ever eaten, and zucchini chips all as a welcome to wet our palates. Did I mention there was bread too? We must have looked bewildered because our chief waiter told us not to worry about the attention, and enjoy. I opted for a dirty vodka martini while Jen perused the wine list for our next choice. Our appetizer was a sashimi grade tuna tartar with avocado, extra virgin olive oil topped with caviar. Oh wow. As a child I had eaten caviar with my parents, spread across salteens with a touch of Gouldens Mustard. Jen had never had caviar before… I think this mouth watering taste will be hard to top for either of us.
Jen selected a red for each of us by the glass (just couldn’t do another full bottle tonight) having a Montepulciano d’ Abruzzo for herself, and and ordering a barbera for me, but the waiter quickly shook his head disapprovingly, and suggested something better, which it was and neither of us can remember what it was now. Oh love.
The tortellini con pana e prosciutto and Jen’s porcini mushroom ravioli with black truffle oil, fresh shaved parmesan and pepper in a cream and pistachio sauce were amazing. Every bite was a little taste of heaven wonderfully paired with our wine. Even the dash of peas in my dish were like little bursts of flavor. Hold me, I am crying, wow. A new table cloth placed on our table, we chose the tiramisu with mascarpone to share for dessert. Just when we thought it was a night, two cordial glasses of limoncello arrived to finish the meal. A $200+ meal complete we strolled back home. The rest is irrelevant involving TV (Iron Chef) and me falling asleep, my head in Jen’s lap, long before we ever made it to bed. Good night Thursday.
Day 4 means Friday and our last full day here in Miami. We decided to just enjoy the setting and relax, so after our free continental breakfast (yummy fresh fruit, pastries and juice) where I broke down and drank coffee, we headed to the pool and proceeded to spend the entire day there just reading, eating (Cuban panini with plenty of ham, pork, pickle, cheese with fries for me, and burger and fries for Jen), having a drink (frozen margarita and pina colada respectively), and watching the other sun catchers. I can’t say we ever got in the pool, as the breeze made it a bit cool for my tastes, it was still time well spent.
One of my mom and dad’s best friends, Bob Milnes and his wife Martha (who I called, and still do, Uncle and aunt respectively) made it over from Coral Gables to take us out and visit. They took us to one of the best Cuban restaurants in Miami: Versailles. The owner, an early refugee from the Castro revolution left his business and possessions in Cuba to flee to the US with his family. Together they rebuilt the family business into what it is today. Yummy. Black beans a rice, with plantains and Cuban style pulled pork was just the best. And inexpensive too. Yes.
From there Bob and Martha took us to their house (a cute Miami style bungalow) where Bob showed us his huge collection of fire apparatus models, and his portfolio of amazing images. Bob shot for Stars and Stripes in the 60′s, and then Look magazine doing stunning photo essays. He was also the youngest person ever (17) to be given White House press credentials. The pictures of dignitaries and others with the stories to go with them were fascinating. Besides, Bob is a funny guy, so there is a zinger with each story. He was one of my inspirations to get into photography and I was struck by how much I have to learn. Great motivation. Martha’s gorgeous needle work was on display throughout the house and was beautiful. She and Jen hit it off right away.
The evening concluded with Bob’s “Tour of Dead Italians” which included Al Capone and Versace. We drove from their home in Coral Gables to South Beach, through Miami Beach and beyond. The night life was just getting rolling and it was fun to see people all decked out. The entire way Bob and Martha pointed out landmarks and gave us a fun history lesson of the area.
Sun drenched and fully filled with fun for yet another day, we retired to our hotel room and were quickly asleep.
Day 5
Alas, our last day arrived with another wash of warm sunshine. Our time at the Epic had come to an end. Our last continental breakfast on the roof patio of Area 31 was wonderful. Just so relaxing to look out over the city as we dined on fresh pumpkin bread, muffins, and fruit. Bags packed, we headed to the lobby where Farrah, our front desk friend from Tuesday’s arrival met us with a smile. Farrah asked if we had received our card, which was followed by us going “Huh?” Or our champagne and chocolates? “Huh?” It seems Farrah had gotten us a card and had the front desk staff sign it (she even drew balloons on it), and it was supposed to be delivered to us with the goodies. How sweet is that? Except we never received it. She was so apologetic, but asked if she could mail it to us. Ahhh, how sweet indeed. A few pics and we were out the door into Bob and Martha’s waiting Explorer.
Showing how amazing a couple they are, Bob and Martha kindly took us on a tour of the Everglades and a local Indian village. The history and culture of these people was fascinating and our guide, a Miccosukee Indian, was a lot of fun to listen to. When the lecture/tour ended, we walked over to watch the alligator wrestling show. A tall white guy with brass cahones the size of basketballs strode around 3 of these beasts explaining all about them with cautious but comfortable movements. It was only as he dragged, and manipulated one of the beasts that people’s hearts really raced. Impressive indeed. I hope he has comprehensive coverage. After watching the show and spending time watching these modern dinosaurs swim effortlessly through the water we headed out for a quick picnic lunch.
If you think the tour was over, you were wrong. We got to see Coral Gables, West Miami, parts of Coconut Grove, and finally Key Biscayne before we had to make to the airport for our flight. We could not be more grateful for such a wonderful tour. There is no way we would have seen what we did otherwise. Warm goodbyes and off into the airport we went. Leaving on a big jet plane for the 50 degree weather was hard to do. It was time to be home, but we look forward to heading back for more fun in the future.
Epilogue
Simply put, we had a great time. Its hard to believe that it is over and we are home again. Miami was an interesting mix of juxtapositions: haves vs. have-nots, ritz vs. decrepit, natural vs. artificial, warmth/openness vs. insular. Its a great city with a lot to offer and certainly more than a mere five days can offer. Now that we know the lay of the land I’m sure on our next trip we will have even more fun. And there will be another trip, if not for anything else but another order of the oysters, a dirty martini, and a sunset watched together.
January 19, 2010
Vows
It wasn’t until I saw the video that Jen’s dad had shot that I felt alright. The handy cam view of our day seemed to fill in all the blanks and recreate the sparkle that is hard to catch when you are standing at attention in the middle of it. There is just too much to take in. One of the things though that had stuck in my mind since the day was how my vows had come out. As a writer, and a fairly eloquent speaker I had the weird position of being sacked with writers block. I pondered for weeks what exactly I wanted to say and how. My writing style is often like this with ideas and points to be made percolating around a sentence or phrase until the day I sit down to write, and it all comes pouring forth onto the screen. This, however, was different. Nothing was quite gelling. Maybe that makes sense because these words would be some of the biggest I would utter in my time on this planet. You might say that I was putting too much pressure on myself… maybe so, but anyone worth their salt wants to get this just right. Its not about the show, its about the person you are sharing these words with. I wanted Jen to know exactly how I felt, and what she meant to me. I didn’t want cliche or grand quotes, but merely the words that came straight from my heart, from me to her, and her alone. I wanted her to see me in them.
I also knew I wanted to make her laugh. Something that I cherish and have since the day we started this journey was her laugh… and some how I was able to bring it out. As silly and off the wall as my sense of humor can be it seemed to bring that smile of hers readily. On this day, I figured a few laughs would be a good thing. To keep tears away let laughter play was part of my motto as I planned out this most important of speeches. Yet, the plan wasn’t going well. Our officiant and dear friend Ray kept asking for our vows and the weeks dwindled into days. He wanted to make sure he was ready. I need to get ready. At some point in the process he told me that Jen’s were good, really good. Gulp. OK, yeah, the pressure was on. Still I could only let my mind do what it would do and the percolating continued. The evening of W+1 and I was still writing, and the morning of I was still writing as well. I thought I had it boiled down.
Standing together during Jen’s vows I was hard pressed not to start crying, even after having been cool as a cucumber all day. I wasn’t nervous until that moment. As she finished I pull my vows from my pocket, looked at Ray, and he said: “I told you they were good.” The words I spoke came partly off the paper and partly from me just speaking from inside. I remember starting off and hearing everyone laugh at the joke I had penned in them to make Jen smile. From there I gulped again, stumbled, felt Kevin Harris’s hand on my shoulder steadying my emotions, and on I went. Everyone (who could hear me) told me they thought they were fine because they came from me. I wasn’t consoled, I felt like I stumbled.
Time and video have a way of making things better. I did stumble but I also made Jen smile and that is ultimately what I wanted to do, whatever words were said. And as I think about it now, that is what I remind myself of: if I am making Jennifer smile, then I am doing good by her as her husband. Its not about the words, its about the deeds that come with them. So this, really, was the perfect way to start our life together: holding hands, smiling at each other, and helping each other past the stumbles.
Simply put, Jennifer, I love you.
From the day we met I knew I had found a friend, and from our first date that I had found love.
To quote an early 80′s philosopher:
What I like about you…
Jennifer,
You hold me tight, you really know how to dance, you keep me warm at night,
Wanna come over tonight? Yeah.
You make me laugh, you let me be silly, and you let me be myself
You make me feel loved, and you inspire me in new ways each day.
The warmth, connection, caring, and passion you offer I will return to you now and always.
I want to share not just this day, but all the rest of my days with no one else but you.
Smile, because I am yours.
January 18, 2010
Wedding Day (W-day) +1: Our first day of marriage
Our first day as a married couple started as such: “Good morning Mr. Kirschbaum.” “Good morning Mrs. Kirschbaum!” There was a magical moment, while lying there looking into each others eyes where we had to giggle. We were married! Light filtered through the blinds of our suite as we padded around, basking in the glow of the event we had just shared with so many of you, and of course, each other. Today was going to be a busy day, so we cleaned up, and got on the move. It was sad that we couldn’t really spend much time enjoying or suite, but duty called. Well, breakfast called as did packing for our trip.
We bopped on down to Dort and Stew’s room to find Tom and Max Teatro hanging out as well. The amount of stuff we needed to pack was rather impressive between wedding event materials, gifts, and clothes. We grabbed the gown bag, stuffed the dress in, and headed to the car with an armful. At the front desk we grabbed a bellman and headed upstairs to load the rest. While Jen headed to the car with the gent I went to the front desk to retrieve our marriage licences that Ray had left the previous night. This when things started to go awry. The current front desk man had no clue where the envelope was. He looked, and was stumped, as was I. I waited till Jen came back to explain, and we headed down to frantically search the boxes and bags she had just stowed. No luck.
Back in the lobby we ran into Jen’s parents again and explained the situation as Jen’s panic increased. Reassurance did little to soothe my poor bride, so I headed back to the front desk and asked the guy to search a bit harder. Harder didn’t mean success. By this time we had also contacted the catering coordinator, Joi, who started calling everyone. Ray was texted, as was Tiffany our day of coordinator. Everyone was working in concert but to no avail. Joi promised that as soon as the night desk person came in at three she would get with him. She assured us it would be found. By this time it was almost noon and we headed out to find some breakfast. Just eggs and pancakes… well no place we went to was open. Back at the hotel we had missed breakfast at Jackson 20, the hotel’s restaurant, but they were ready for lunch. The stress got to Jen and few tears flowed, scaring the wait staff, who offered to buy her coffee, if nothing else. A mimosa helped as did some food, and from there it was home to Arlington.
At home we got the car unpacked and started the process of packing for the trip. Not hard, but we were still on edge from the morning and Jen was running through all sorts of options to make sure we were married before we left for the airport in the morning. Even if we had to get married again in Miami! Ray, bless his heart, also did some research and made yet another friend in the Alexandria City Court House who assured him he could sign another copy and all would be good… the following Monday. Ray and Anne were leaving on a trip of their own to celebrate Ray’s 40th.
Time ticked by until the phone rang about 4:30pm. Joi had the good news, the license had been found. It had been sent to our room, 637. Except we were staying in room 537. Whomever had taken and delivered the package had goofed and shoved it under the door of an empty suite the floor above us. They canvassed each room of the hotel until they found it. Luckily for them they did. Now, they would happily send it to us… NO! We told them to hold it at the front desk and we’d be down within the hour. There was no need… Tiffany, when informed that they had, said she would not happy until she had placed them in our hands. So, she headed straight over, and the fought rush hour traffic all the way to our house in Arlington. Now, that is a great day of coordinator… and a great person.
Dort and Stew, sight seeing during the day swung by the house and worked out the details to go the next morning to the courthouse to file the papers for us. Heather and John swung in also to collect their things and drop off more stuff from the wedding. After hugs and goodbyes, husband and wife were alone in their home. It wasn’t the kind of first day of marriage you’d hope for, with a lot more stress than necessary, but frankly I think it was OK. Why? Because on our first day as a married couple we started the hard work of supporting each other in a moment of pressure, and we came through smiling anyway. That is a triumph of love, and a great way to get ready for the rest of our lives together.
January 17, 2010
The Lead Up and Event: G’s Diary Entry
The advice that several people gave us encouraging us to keep a diary during the days of our wedding was sound advice indeed. Too bad we didn’t take it. The lead up to the wedding, those last 4 days and then the wedding itself are a blur. A gorgeous blur it was though. So many things happened, so many emotions felt- it hard to pick a place to begin.This is a show case of what I remember now from those fun filled days.
There was non-stop running around that last week and preparation for the big day. Last minute crafting, knitting, fabricating, printing, all so we could hand off the finished products to our day of coordinator Tiffany Parry, our florist Janey Connors, and our other vendors. Thankfully we had Jen’s sister, and maid of honor, Heather to help. Added bonus, her boyfriend Jon was with her. The two of them made those last days so much easier on both of us. They arrived at the house Wednesday night in time for dinner, and from that point on were all-in helping. They made up out of town bags, went with Jen to purchase supplies, transported the chuppah, and shared in the excitement. It was a great time. They even made it out to Wegmans. What more can you ask for?
While they took care of those details with Jen, I was creating door hangers and putting all my mad photoshop skills to work. Friday morning arrived calm. Jen and I were preparing for a light run to burn off nervous energy when Jen called to me “We screwed up, they’re coming in now, I have to go!” I managed to grab her in time to figure out that bridesmaid Sharyn and her hubby Brian were arriving at BWI airport not at 3pm, but at 10:20am. It was 9:50. Quick change and we were out the door and racing to Baltimore. I often chide Jen for checking twitter and the like all the time. This time, it saved our butts when she spotted Sharyn’s tweet that morning, which read in effect “I hate early morning flights.” Somehow we got there no prob and picked them up just as they came outside the terminal. It was definitely time for breakfast.
That meant pancakes, which I flipped for all 6 of us until we nearly burst at the seams. The day was a whirl wind because there was wedding prep yet to be done, like test and build the chuppah, create its top, and get it over to the hotel. The whole party was beginning to move towards the venue as Jen and company were setting up camp at the hotel. Brian deserves many kuddos for helping us figure out the chuppah. I may have built the parts, but not their sum total. In the end, it was all worked out and looked really good.
The evening held the promise of bachelor and bachelorette parties. For the guys, it was a drive over into DC to the new Birch&Barley/Churchkey for food with a beer tasting with each course. Kevin, Dan, Ray, and I rode over, fighting traffic with a whip and a chair the whole way. The boys trickled in to the Churchkey bar upstairs. It felt really good to have all my guys together in one place, it happens so rarely now. These are my best friends (Ray, Kevin H., Paul, Kevin E., Rich, Matt, Keith,Dan, and Sasha) and it felt really good to all see them all laughing and hanging out together. The good cheer was warming indeed, and the beer Dan picked to start off the affair certainly didn’t hurt. Ray set the whole evening up and we happily ate and drank (a lot) The food here was great and their beer selection fantastic. The beer somlier (my title, not his) gave us a run down of each pairing. There was more beer here than anyone but Ray, Matt, and Kevin E. had drunk in any one sitting in a long time. On U Street we indulged ourselves with some live jazz: a common bond between Ray, Kevin H., and I.The jazz place was a small little place swinging with the sound of horns, bass, piano, and drums. The man tickling the keys was all of 20 and was smoking. It was fun to sit back and hear some live music and enjoy a beer. As the set wound down, so did some of the party, so away we went into the night, home again home again. Well, some of us anyway- Dan, Kevin, Kevin, and I ended up in Old Town with the girls and friends for a night cap.
From there the days are a bit fuzzier and even brighter. I have more impressions and snippets of images. It was the simplest things that meant the most and felt so good to me. Having Kevin Harris in house was liking having a missing piece fitted in place. I would never have gotten through the days the way I did without his strength and warmth. From driving me around, to coffee at the shop across from the hotel with Dan and Jo. His speech at the wedding brought the house down and I am not sure there was a dry eye in the house.
I remember the guys. The morning of the wedding it was bright and warm, gorgeous after literally weeks of cold rain. Kevin H. came by and after picking up Dan we grabbed bagels at Brooklyn Bagel. Sitting outside on a wall across from the metro just talking (after getting kicked off the CalTort deck), taking in the warmth of the sun, the warmth of the day. At home I went upstairs to shower and get ready. Kevin H. followed me upstairs as well. I remember coming out of the shower to find most of my groomsmen wandering around in my room. “Can a man not get any privacy?” More laughs. I can picture everyone smiling, joking and taking pictures while we adjusted ties and collars. I remember Paul teasing me in only the way he can, mischievious grin firmly in place. Kevin Ellis with camera clicking away and Rich acting as straight man even as he let his silly side through. And later it was all of us just goofing off waiting for the festivities to start. I remember Ray, beer in hand before the ceremony with a big grin on his face. I remember Tiffany chasing us around right before we were supposed to march out for the start of the ceremony because we had run over to pose for pics in front of the bronze pig.
I remember taking in the whole courtyard with all our family and friends smiling at me, people sitting on their room balconies, the blue sky and the low music that played in the background. The anticipation as Jen’s bridesmaids started down the aisle and I exchanges smiles with each.
Walking down the aisle after the ceremony felt like we were the only two people in the room. After the ceremony it was a bit of whirlwind with people joking and goofing off. There was champagne and drinks which we barely had time to enjoy because we were the center of all the photographs. Then we were running around the neighborhood getting more pictures taken and being given congrats from all the passers by.
The rest of the evening it was about love and being loved. Bouncing from person to person and feeling like I didn’t have enough time to spend with each. Dancing and goofing off. There was the dash to the hotel bar for a Kamikazi, once my signature drink, led by Kevin Ellis. Oh, and more dancing, and being tossed in the chair (sorry Adam and Kevin- I hide it well) and wondering if I was going to be flying across the room. And slowly but surely it was the bitter sweet goodbyes as our friends retired and we were the last people in the reception hall, before retiring to our suite, only to find it so beautifully made up for us. Over champagne and chocolates we toasted each other again and rung in a new day and a new life.
December 29, 2009
Video
The hubby and I had a really lovely start to the holidays. Living room renovations and scrubbing the floor while lighting the Chanuka candles. Well, maybe not all lovely. Scrubbing isn’t fun. We had to cancel our holiday party because of the unexpected 18 inches of snow. But cookies were made, the tree was put up and decorated, we had Christmas Eve dinner with the K family, and on Christmas Day we went down to see my folks in Raleigh. For all the wackiness of this holiday season, I wouldn’t trade a bit of it for a “perfect” December.
I forgot important stuff on our way to Raleigh and we had to turn back at Fredericksburg, meaning, an hour into our four hour trip… which turned the whole thing into a six hour ordeal. In the worst rain either of us have ever seen. And in true husband-y spirit, he let me castigate myself for it, but didn’t really say a word. He remarked our last night there how nice it was to get to visit my parents. How lovely it is to go on a vacation to a place where you don’t have to do anything, or be anything, other than yourself. Which is of course the point of having a family- they’re the ones around whom you can let your guard down. The people who will laugh at your lapses in memory, even when it majorly inconveniences them (cough, I’m still sorry, honey). The ones who will play Wii with you, even ridiculous dancing games, because who would you rather see flail around with abandon than your mom/dad/daughter/new son? Having my new father-in-law is wonderful, because he is a good man, with loads of knowledge and advice. And there’s something wonderful about being only a mile away from your family. But I think it’s good for George to have my family, too- the sister out in Ohio who always has interesting news to share. The parents to visit, who share both their own warmth, and the warmth of North Carolina.
Dad let us watch the rough cut of the wedding video while we visited. Our dear friend and officiant is working on the “final cut” version, I believe, but it was wonderful to get to see a bit of our wedding, these few weeks later. George was reassured after watching it that his vows came out just fine, which we’ve all been telling him all along. They were beautiful, and so very him. I was reassured that I still looked like myself up there under the chupah, silly facial expressions and teary eyes and all. Our quirkiness was there, as well as our very evident love for each other. And I was so happy to see some of the dancing, and watch and listen again to the most beautiful best man’s speech I’ve ever heard.
All that to say- I don’t regret that we didn’t have the money for a videographer. I can’t wait to see our photos- but I don’t need some professional video of the wedding. I will be delighted to see the final cut, as taken and edited by our friends and family- but that will do. It fills my desire to hear again what we said. To remember a little better what happened, and when. And I highly recommend other couples do the same- have a relative bring their new video camera, or even a little camera, and shoot a few minutes of the ceremony, or the party, or better yet both. Because right now? I remember most things. But I look forward to watching it all again in a decade or two, when I’ve forgotten how much I made my nearly-husband tear up with my vows. Or the number of people who hung out in my parents’ room at the hotel before the wedding. Isn’t this why they invented home video cameras? They don’t always record what you aim to shoot, but they do better by catching people unawares, and showing who they really are.
December 16, 2009
One Month On the Other Side
Although I feel like we’re waiting on pictures to do any real form of wedding recap, I thought it might be nice to check in on this site, and give my thoughts a month post-wedding. This is just the bride’s perspective on our monthiversary…
We spent eleven months (give or take) planning our wedding. Eleven great months, begun with elation and joy, and ending with more of the same. We had our bumps along the way, with vendors, each other, and certainly a few on our wedding day. But overall, it was still a great experience. Planning the wedding really gave us the time to adjust to each other. To figure out how to disagree, and how to agree without losing our unique perspectives. Time to determine what we want out of life (at least for the moment), and what our priorities are. Engagement is a strange in-between state, a transitional moment that luckily for us didn’t have to last too long.
Marriage is something else altogether. Less pressure. Fewer deadlines. A whole lot more simple joys, and a lot fewer frustrations. I highly recommend marriage to the poor engaged couples out there, fighting through to the day itself. Because in some ways it is a fight- even when you know you have the right person, it just isn’t simple to figure out how you want to go about beginning a life together. And I don’t just mean planning a fairly traditional wedding, though of course that was our method- even choosing to elope involves a heck of a lot of discussion and choices, I’d think.
All that said, we have been married a month now. I’m no expert on marriage, and I don’t think we ever will be. Everyone is different, everyone’s experiences are different. But thinking about the wedding now, with a little distance, it amazes me what I remember best.
Right after the wedding, I was still a bit upset about things that didn’t go right, but in general I was just deliriously happy that it was over. I was so glad to see family and friends… and even more glad to run away on a honeymoon with my sweet George, and leave them all behind. I needed space (with him, if that counts as needing space). I needed time to process. And the things that did go wrong still are entertaining to me… but none of them bother me like they did at first. In large part, that’s because the stuff that didn’t go as planned… had very little to do with the wedding itself. Our wedding may not have been “perfect” but it was darn perfect for us. And it’s the perfection that I remember. Perfection is maybe too strong a word- it’s the moments of sheer joy and ebullient laughter that I remember.
I remember losing my shoe right after we walked down the aisle as husband and wife, and fretting that we were slowing down the bridal party. George reminded me that they would wait for us- we’re the bride and groom! And I laughed, hard, and managed to slide back into the shoe and head inside.
I wore a pair of pretty satin shoes for the ceremony, but decided very close to our wedding day that I better have a backup pair because I was worried about the dress getting heavier (and lower) throughout the day. So I thought shoes with higher heels might actually be a wise investment. I was ecstatic to have them, too- the ceremony shoes hurt my feet like crazy by the time we were done with photos, and I really did need the extra height of my little dancing shoes. My feet were in pain by the very end of the night, but in general I was a happy camper almost the entire evening. So go me, for being prepared and having two pairs of shoes at the ready. Funny that two memories are essentially silly shoe memories.
I remember thinking after dinner that I was happy to be there, and glad to have had time to see almost everyone already, but REALLY being ready to get the party started. I wasn’t bored, exactly, but I remember being really annoyed that we weren’t dancing yet. And about five seconds after I consciously thought that I really was ready for us to get a move on, and get the real celebration going… the DJ started up our first group dance, and I barely left the dance floor from that moment on. I was surrounded by smiling faces, and fancy dance moves, and just the general pleasure of people dancing and celebrating and drinking. It was the exact party I had been hoping for, the exact feeling I was seeking. I wanted to see my husband sweating from dancing so hard, and I wanted to be surrounded by the music and the dancing- and goodness, but it was all exactly as I envisioned it. A perfect party.
During the ceremony I tried very hard to stay focused and in-the-moment, since that’s what everyone says you should try to do. I found that very difficult. It wasn’t that I was mindlessly drifting through the ceremony- I just didn’t dare listen too hard for fear that I’d start sobbing uncontrollably. I was settled on keeping at least a modicum of calm. So I was there… I was present… but mostly I focused on holding George’s hand, and his face, and how happy he looked during our ceremony. I have no idea what Dan, our close friend and reader, actually said. The only things that really broke through to me were (surprisingly) the traditional Jewish Seven Blessings, and our vows. I asked rather late in the game that we include a modern interpretation of the Seven Blessings, and G agreed to have them (after all, they weren’t long). And for all that he is secular, and I am not an observant Jew in the traditional sense, the Jewish elements of our ceremony were the most comforting to me. Listening to our friend Ray say the blessing over the wine, and taking a sip. Signing the ketubah (though the pen didn’t work at first, to my dismay). Standing there under the lovely chupah that George built. And hearing those blessings, and believing wholeheartedly that there really was some divine spirit present among us, as we were surrounded by our loved ones, and by love. That is the memory that is strongest in my mind a month after that ceremony. All I feel when I think about our wedding is joy. Love. It wasn’t the best day I will ever have. But it was, in a word, perfection.
November 16, 2009
Day One
Today we awoke, the sun shining through the windows of our beautiful hotel suite, turned over starring into each others eyes and said: “Hello Mr. Kirschbaum.” “Hello Mrs. Kirschbaum.” Friends, family, and general readership, let it be known that Jen and I are married. MARRIED! Do we feel different, yes… as a matter of fact, we do. We feel great.
This post will be brief for now as we are still recovering from yesterday’s amazing event, but we wanted to give brief kudos and notes before setting sail on our honeymoon. The thanks go out to all the wonderful people who were in attendance yesterday and also to those that couldn’t make it for the big day as well. Thank you for all the love and warmth that you brought to the beginning of our marriage and add to our lives each day. To our parents and family who were amazing with help, support and strength. Our bridal party were heroes planning parties, helping us take care of last minute bits, and pulling all the details together. Our day of coordinator and vendors who put the polish on every part of the day. It was indeed, spectacular.
Now a request to you: if you were able to join us for the event, please jot down your memories and share them with us. The day goes by so fast and we don’t want to forget a detail. Please email Jen or I with your experiences, thoughts, memories, and impressions. We’ll be adding them to our scrap book, and maybe posting a few here as well.
We hope to be updating the blog with the story of the days leading up to the big event and the day of, complete with pics soon.
So, till then, we are going to get back to opening wonderful gifts, packing for our trip and keeping our fingers crossed that our lost marriage license (you read it right folks, thanks Hotel Monaco…) is located (phew, they found it… they canvassed the entire hotel and found it in an empty room, No. 637. We were in 537. Peace!
November 10, 2009
Five Days Out
Before all the fun begins with the slow trail to the wedding, I want to thank my incredible coworkers, who conspired and threw me a surprise shower at work today! A few of my coworkers sneaked me away from my cubicle area with what seemed like valid questions about projects I had a hand in, and I only became suspicious when I saw some of the other coworkers in our suite pop up from their cubicles like groundhogs, look at me, and then walk purposefully in the other direction. I still was completely blown away when my two friends walked me over to the party and saw all hundred-ish people standing amongst the cubicles, smiling at me. My until-very-recently boss gave me a sash to wear that says “bride to be” and a little veil, and I cut cake for everyone. Amazing cake, in fact, which I did of course bring home to share with George. Everyone signed cards for me, and they also gave us lovely gifts for the honeymoon and a lasagna pan. I am loving these kitchen goods- but I wonder if there wasn’t a secret hope that I’ll bring tasty treats to the next work potluck… you never know!
Today was my last day of work until after we come back from the honeymoon. George and I are both lucky enough to get tomorrow off, and in between honoring Veterans we’ll be using our time off wisely. G is going down to Alexandria with his dad for a dry run before he drives down there on Sunday with G’s aunts. I have to return a bunch of things that didn’t work out quite right (hurray, money back!) and run a bunch of other little wedding errands. We need to polish up my sparkly rings, do the last little craft project… you know. Last minute stuff. And then my sister arrives with her boyfriend!
I am really grateful for all the support we’ve been getting, from everyone. George’s coworkers have been expressing kind wishes to him. I got a whole party at work with yummy cake and kind words. Friends I haven’t heard from in years have been connecting with me via email, or IM, or Facebook, to wish us a wonderful wedding. G said it months ago- thank you to everyone, for being so supportive and generous to us. We wouldn’t be who we are without our family and friends, our coworkers and support network. We are so grateful for the kind thoughts, and can’t wait to celebrate with our nearest and dearest this weekend!
I am really glad that I don’t have to go to work for a week and a half- I haven’t had this much time off since the winter of 2007. But this is not just any vacation. It’s going to be one heck of a party, and one awesome marriage that we’re kicking off. And although it’s amazing and wonderful to feel so loved right now, and so celebrated, I think we’ll be happy still once everything goes back to normal, and we’re just George and Jennifer again. Everything right now seems loaded with import. Every decision for months has been full with meaning. It’ll be really nice when instead of deciding on what vows are the most meaningful to us, we can debate whether to have chicken or pasta for dinner. Instead of designing programs and menus, we can focus on home repairs and catching up on our Netflix dvds. The honeymoon is a great bridge between the sanctity and overwhelmingness of the wedding day, and the day-to-day that’s coming. Right now I’m super excited for all three things coming up- the special celebration, the days to sleep and chill and relax, and then getting on with the rest of our new life, one day at a time.
November 3, 2009
Anti-Wedding Date Night
Sometimes we just need to get away from the planning. So Saturday night we had game night! No intentional relationship to Halloween- I just wanted a night free of wedding anything. And we had a great time with our buddies Dan and Jo. We had a lovely dinner (pot roast!), some great drinks, and played Wii as well as a card game. As always, the Wii was a hit.
Monday night, Bridesmaid Jo came back and played with my hair, which was a great success. Even more successful? Her brilliant custard, which became pumpkin ice cream. Wow. Yum. Best of all? We had leftovers- which George and I are enjoying now.
The countdown continues, in tasty fashion!
